i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
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Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
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Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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