I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize