Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
