Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
