I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
