The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Randomize
