I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
