Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
