remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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