he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
