So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
