U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
