I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
as a side note pls kill me
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