I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
