saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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