Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
