Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
