I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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