Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
