awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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