pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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