I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
