So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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