yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
