i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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