Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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