what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
