I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
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