Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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