I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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