the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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