do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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