i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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