And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
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Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
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As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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