Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
