Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
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Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
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By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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