Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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