I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
