5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
