I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
