i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize