He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
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