Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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