I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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