I was born with a shot glass in my hand
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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