dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
