He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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