I can text with my tongue
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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