she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
