we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
