Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
