Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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