You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
