Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Found the puke drawer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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