I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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