She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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