the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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