Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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