She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
