I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Mom said you looked used
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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