you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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