Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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