it hurts more in the daytime
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
