Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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