i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
