so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
