If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
