I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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