made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
