Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
