Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
