roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
