He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
