In the future we'll all be gay
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
