Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
