just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
